When we are faced with challenging obstacles, we all cope in different ways, some face them head on, whereas others buckle under the pressure. It’s important for us to find ways to build up our emotional strength. We spend a lot of time focusing on getting our bodies into shape or practicing healthy habits, but very little time working on improving our mental wellbeing. Building emotional strength requires daily exercise, just like building physical strength.
It’s perfectly normal for us to have moments of stress, anxiety or feeling overwhelmed, but if you regularly feel like you’re drowning in your emotions, you need to improve your mental wellbeing.
What is emotional strength? It’s a type of response when reacting to emotional events in an open and vulnerable way, which allows us to find ways of dealing with the emotion and not getting all tangled up in it.
Do you have emotional strength? Here are four indicators:
You can respond in an open and vulnerable way.
You are emotionally responsive.
You use vulnerable language when describing your situation.
You engage in action and don’t shy away from it.
There are many situations that emotionally strong people avoid and actions they never take. Here are just a few:
They don’t seek attention or let others get them down.
They believe in themselves and don’t hold grudges.
They don’t shy away from saying ‘No.’
They don’t sit around dreading what may or may not happen in the future.
They prefer action, rather than words.
So, looking at these two lists, ask yourself, ‘Are you emotional strong?’
Don’t worry if you’re not because there are things you can do to change that. Here are a few tools that will help you build your emotional strength.
Setting Boundaries – We can start by setting yourself boundaries. Whether it’s with friends, family, your partner, or even your co-workers, boundary setting is extremely important. When you know what is tolerable or not, acceptable or not, reasonable or not, you will have a solid foundation of emotional strength. Boundaries should be based on your values, or the things that are important to you. Remember, they are your boundaries, and yours alone. So, spend some time on setting up your red lines and stick to them.
Many of your boundaries might align with those who are close to you, but others will be unique. It is important to let others know what your boundaries are, so they don’t inadvertently step over them.
Let’s Get Physical – Looking after our bodies is another good way to build emotional strength. The mind and body are inseparable, by taking good care of your body, your mind will reap the benefits. It could be as simple as a brisk walk around the block or going for a jog. It doesn’t have to be a full workout at the gym. What is important is you do it regularly and you get a sweat on.
We Are What We Eat – Eating a healthy diet can help reduce your stress levels, improve your self-confidence, combat depression, and alleviate anxiety.
To have a healthy, balanced diet, people should try to eat at least 5 portions of a variety of fruit and vegetables every day, base meals on higher fibre starchy foods like potatoes, bread, rice or pasta, and try to reduce your meat and dairy intake – there are plenty of plant-based alternatives out there these days.
A Helping Hand – Reaching out to others is a great way to help build your emotional strength. Some may see this as a sign of weakness, I see it as a sign of strength. The person who doesn’t share their problems could eventually buckle under the weight of their own struggles or become isolated and resentful. It is well known that the people with quality relationships and strong social support systems show signs of greater happiness.
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. People who open themselves up to others learn what real friendship, trust, and sincerity feels like. When your heart is closed, it leads to scepticism and insecurity, but when it is open, you have hope and clarity.
Alone, but not lonely – When you enjoy your own company, you help build your emotional strength. There are times when we inevitably are alone, and we need to be able to make the best of those moments. If you feel some resistance to spending time alone, you really need to work on that. Ask yourself, ‘Why do I hate to be alone, what am I afraid of, what do I think will happen?’ Start off slowly by spending a few minutes alone and then slowly start to build on that. Remember, when you are spending time by yourself, turn off all your devices, so you can limit any distractions. We can’t really claim to be alone if we are chatting on WhatsApp or sending photos on Instagram.
We also need to be careful how we talk to ourselves. Turning negative self-talk into positive thinking can help reduce your risk of depression, lower levels of distress, and improving your coping skills. If you are a person that tends to be critical of yourself, it’s important you change that inner dialogue. Counter your critical inner voice by speaking to yourself in a positive way that is kind, caring and, above all else, supportive, as this is a pillar of emotional strength.
Bring Awareness to Your Day – Practicing mindfulness is another way to build your emotional strength. Knowing yourself, paying attention to your responses, and practicing settling your body down when feeling overwhelmed is going to make you emotionally stronger. By bringing yourself back into the present moment you will have a full awareness of your thought process, your emotions, body sensations and your immediate environment. When you are armed with this full awareness, you will be able to consciously face up to any challenges you may be facing.
When faced with difficulties, take a moment to watch your breath. No need to change the way you are breathing, just become aware of it. Leave your full awareness of the breath flowing in and out of your nostril. This will give you the space to calm down. Once you are calm, you will be much better placed to deal with your present situation, and you will be strengthening yourself emotionally.
You can read more blogs, listen to podcasts, watch videos and practice guided meditations on my website.
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We human beings tend to focus on what we want or what we don’t want, but very rarely take time to appreciate what we have. Conscious gratitude is a simple way for us to count our blessings, build relationships and help strengthen our mental and physical wellbeing.
Gratitude is an attitude. Gratitude is a choice. And gratitude is a habit. When we consciously practice being grateful for what we have we begin to strengthen our mental wellbeing.
Stopping from time to time and thinking of what we are grateful for rewires our brain to recognise positive aspects of life more easily and frequently and feel positive emotions more often. Daily feelings of gratitude are associated with life satisfaction, optimism, subjective well-being, positive affect, and happiness. Essentially, grateful people are happier.
Gratitude is about cultivating a sense of being thankful for the little and large things in our lives. We can be thankful for people, situations and even our possessions. It’s also about a willingness to show this appreciation. It is a habit, a skill, and it takes practice.
Gratitude is a great first step towards reframing unhelpful thoughts, particularly if you have a tendency towards negativity. But don’t think it will stop you feeling any negative emotions or experiencing negative thoughts, it won’t, because these are an important part of being human.
Gratitude helps with stress management and overall mental wellbeing. It can help build emotional resilience, so can even be an extra support during challenging times. There’s even evidence that gratitude behaviours can change areas of the brain and fire up reward pathways, releasing serotonin and dopamine, which are our feel-good drugs. It can also help build a connection with other people, through showing and telling people that you are grateful for them.
Here are some ways that gratitude helps us:
Protects Against Depression and Boosts Happiness
Studies show that practicing gratitude curbs the use of words expressing negative emotions and shifts inner attention away from such negative emotions such as resentment and envy, minimising the possibility of ruminating.
Reduces Stress and Anxiety
People who make an effort to be more appreciative seem to do better at dealing with adversity and facing tough decisions or situations because they focus on the positives and see challenges as useful lessons and even gifts, rather than as curses.
Research suggests a gratitude practice can increase psychological resilience against chronic stress, anxiety, , post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and unhappiness. When reflecting on the positive elements of the past and present, people are more prone to being hopeful and optimistic.
Improves Relationships
Expressing gratitude often makes people feel more connected to something bigger than themselves. Being thankful for your life also makes it less likely that you’ll experience envy, cynicism and narcissism, which can all damage relationships and decrease happiness.
Helps Encourage Healthier Choices/Self-Care
There’s evidence suggesting that gratitude can have long-lasting positive effects when it comes to promoting healthy choices — such as eating a well-balanced diet, exercising, getting enough sleep, staying on top of work-related tasks, and so on. When you feel grateful for your life and the relationships in it, you’re more likely to take better care of yourself.
Can Help Improve Sleep and Physical Health
In studies, gratitude has been shown to foster both physical and psychological health, meaning it may help decrease chronic pain, tension, fatigue, sleep issues like insomnia and other symptoms tied to stress and anxiety.
Overall, research suggests that grateful people are less prone to experiencing sleep troubles tied to stress and may also benefit from having stronger immune systems.
I think it is clear, gratitude is good for us in so many ways. So, how can we go about practicing them? You could use a gratitude journal, think of one thing you are grateful for when you wake up in the morning or the last thing at night, stop several times during the day to reflect on what you are grateful for right at that moment or you could do a gratitude meditation, such as the one below.
Experiencing Gratitude
Sit quietly with your back straight and body relaxed.
Do the following breathing exercise Breath in as deeply as you can – hold the breath – and now push all the air out – breath in deeply – hold – push the air out – breath in deeply – hold – push all the air out.
Now breath normally.
Gently place your awareness on your breath entering and leaving your body. Don’t force it – just relax into it. Become aware of your breath becoming slower, smoother, and more comfortable.
(30 seconds)
Now I want you to think of a person you are grateful for. Whoever it is, bring them into the forefront of your mind.
(30 seconds)
How does this gratitude make you feel?
(30 seconds)
What body sensations are you experiencing?
(30 seconds)
Sit with this experience for a moment. Let yourself be engulfed by your feelings, emotions and body sensations. Don’t just think about it, fully experience it.
(30 seconds)
Now I want you to think of a situation you are grateful for. Whatever it is, bring the situation into your mind.
(30 seconds)
How does this gratitude make you feel?
(30 seconds)
What body sensations are you experiencing?
(30 seconds)
Sit with this experience for a moment. Let yourself be engulfed by your feelings, emotions and body sensations. Don’t just think about it, fully experience it.
(30 seconds)
Now I want you to think of a possession you are grateful for. Whatever it is, bring that possession into the forefront of your mind.
(30 seconds)
How does this gratitude make you feel?
(30 seconds)
What body sensations are you experiencing?
(30 seconds)
Sit with this experience for a moment. Let yourself be engulfed by your feelings, emotions and body sensations. Don’t just think about it, fully experience it.
(30 seconds)
Now, slowly open your eyes and gently introduce yourself back into the world.
As you can see there are many ways to express and practise gratitude, so pick the one that resonates the most with you.
Before we finish, I want to ask you, ‘What one thing are you grateful for today?’
You can read more blogs, listen to podcasts, watch videos and practice guided meditations on the Buddhism Guide app. Available from the Apple Store and Google Play. You can also visit my website.
If you would like to become a supporter of Buddhism Guides work, such as podcasts, blogs, videos and guided meditation practices, please visithere. You can support for as little as $2 a month.
