When we are faced with challenging obstacles, we all cope in different ways, some face them head on, whereas others buckle under the pressure. It’s important for us to find ways to build up our emotional strength. We spend a lot of time focusing on getting our bodies into shape or practicing healthy habits, but very little time working on improving our mental wellbeing. Building emotional strength requires daily exercise, just like building physical strength.
It’s perfectly normal for us to have moments of stress, anxiety or feeling overwhelmed, but if you regularly feel like you’re drowning in your emotions, you need to improve your mental wellbeing.
What is emotional strength? It’s a type of response when reacting to emotional events in an open and vulnerable way, which allows us to find ways of dealing with the emotion and not getting all tangled up in it.
Do you have emotional strength? Here are four indicators:
You can respond in an open and vulnerable way.
You are emotionally responsive.
You use vulnerable language when describing your situation.
You engage in action and don’t shy away from it.
There are many situations that emotionally strong people avoid and actions they never take. Here are just a few:
They don’t seek attention or let others get them down.
They believe in themselves and don’t hold grudges.
They don’t shy away from saying ‘No.’
They don’t sit around dreading what may or may not happen in the future.
They prefer action, rather than words.
So, looking at these two lists, ask yourself, ‘Are you emotional strong?’
Don’t worry if you’re not because there are things you can do to change that. Here are a few tools that will help you build your emotional strength.
Setting Boundaries – We can start by setting yourself boundaries. Whether it’s with friends, family, your partner, or even your co-workers, boundary setting is extremely important. When you know what is tolerable or not, acceptable or not, reasonable or not, you will have a solid foundation of emotional strength. Boundaries should be based on your values, or the things that are important to you. Remember, they are your boundaries, and yours alone. So, spend some time on setting up your red lines and stick to them.
Many of your boundaries might align with those who are close to you, but others will be unique. It is important to let others know what your boundaries are, so they don’t inadvertently step over them.
Let’s Get Physical – Looking after our bodies is another good way to build emotional strength. The mind and body are inseparable, by taking good care of your body, your mind will reap the benefits. It could be as simple as a brisk walk around the block or going for a jog. It doesn’t have to be a full workout at the gym. What is important is you do it regularly and you get a sweat on.
We Are What We Eat – Eating a healthy diet can help reduce your stress levels, improve your self-confidence, combat depression, and alleviate anxiety.
To have a healthy, balanced diet, people should try to eat at least 5 portions of a variety of fruit and vegetables every day, base meals on higher fibre starchy foods like potatoes, bread, rice or pasta, and try to reduce your meat and dairy intake – there are plenty of plant-based alternatives out there these days.
A Helping Hand – Reaching out to others is a great way to help build your emotional strength. Some may see this as a sign of weakness, I see it as a sign of strength. The person who doesn’t share their problems could eventually buckle under the weight of their own struggles or become isolated and resentful. It is well known that the people with quality relationships and strong social support systems show signs of greater happiness.
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. People who open themselves up to others learn what real friendship, trust, and sincerity feels like. When your heart is closed, it leads to scepticism and insecurity, but when it is open, you have hope and clarity.
Alone, but not lonely – When you enjoy your own company, you help build your emotional strength. There are times when we inevitably are alone, and we need to be able to make the best of those moments. If you feel some resistance to spending time alone, you really need to work on that. Ask yourself, ‘Why do I hate to be alone, what am I afraid of, what do I think will happen?’ Start off slowly by spending a few minutes alone and then slowly start to build on that. Remember, when you are spending time by yourself, turn off all your devices, so you can limit any distractions. We can’t really claim to be alone if we are chatting on WhatsApp or sending photos on Instagram.
We also need to be careful how we talk to ourselves. Turning negative self-talk into positive thinking can help reduce your risk of depression, lower levels of distress, and improving your coping skills. If you are a person that tends to be critical of yourself, it’s important you change that inner dialogue. Counter your critical inner voice by speaking to yourself in a positive way that is kind, caring and, above all else, supportive, as this is a pillar of emotional strength.
Bring Awareness to Your Day – Practicing mindfulness is another way to build your emotional strength. Knowing yourself, paying attention to your responses, and practicing settling your body down when feeling overwhelmed is going to make you emotionally stronger. By bringing yourself back into the present moment you will have a full awareness of your thought process, your emotions, body sensations and your immediate environment. When you are armed with this full awareness, you will be able to consciously face up to any challenges you may be facing.
When faced with difficulties, take a moment to watch your breath. No need to change the way you are breathing, just become aware of it. Leave your full awareness of the breath flowing in and out of your nostril. This will give you the space to calm down. Once you are calm, you will be much better placed to deal with your present situation, and you will be strengthening yourself emotionally.
You can read more blogs, listen to podcasts, watch videos and practice guided meditations on my website.
If you would like to become a supporter of Buddhism Guides work, such as podcasts, blogs, videos and guided meditation practices, please visithere. You can support for as little as $2 a month.
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honourably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
The Guest House by Rumi
Rumi was talking about emotions in this poem. He is suggesting we welcome our emotions in like an unexpected guest, because each has been sent as a guide.
What we usually do is try to fight against our strong emotions, suppress them or get totally tangled up in them. None of these are going to be helpful. The more we fight against the emotion, the stronger it becomes. Acting this way, we will eventually make the emotion into our enemy. But emotions are not our enemies, they are our teachers. They don’t just suddenly appear for no reason. They come to inform us that something is happening, and we need to deal with it.
There are two types of emotions: connective and protective. Connective emotions are compassion, gratitude, happiness, contentment and so on. Protective emotions are usually the ones we fight against and they are anger, frustration, jealousy, pride, etc.
When we are in the grips of a protective emotion, we need to stop what we are doing and ‘welcome and entertain them,’ as Rumi put it. This means we need to investigate why the emotion has arisen and what it is trying to teach us. We can do this by following the ‘Six-Steps to Making Friends with Your Emotions.’
Firstly, we must calm ourselves down. When the protective emotion is strong it can activate our threat system and we could very easily go into the fight or flight mode. To prevent that, we need to do a mindfulness practice, such as becoming aware of our breath. This will bring us back to the present moment, calm us down and help us focus. A great practice to do is Rhythmic Breathing.
As you inhale, count to 4, hold for the count of 2 and then exhale for the count of 4. Keep doing this for some time to get a nice rhythm going. Then, inhale and count to 5, hold for the count of 2 and then exhale for the count of 5. Again, get a nice rhythm going. Finally, inhale and count to 6, hold for the count of 2 and then exhale for the count of 6, and get a good rhythm going. Do this for 2 or 3 minutes, or until you feel calm, focused, and present in the moment.
Secondly, we need to acknowledge we have the emotion. We can do this by labelling it. So, name it to tame it. By doing this the emotion will already start to lose its power.
The third step is to accept that the emotion is there. This is a very important step because if we don’t accept the emotion, we could end up suppressing it or trying to ignore it. When we accept the emotion is there, it is important to not identify with it.
If we say, “I am angry,’ or ‘I am sad,’ we give ourselves very little room to work with the emotion. We are telling ourselves that we are the anger/sadness or whatever emotion we are experiencing. What we need to say is, ‘At this moment there is anger.’ This separates us from the emotion and gives us space to be able to work with the emotion. Remember, an emotion is a process in the brain and so, comes to go. By identifying with it, we stop it from going.
Step four is to investigate why the emotion has arisen. We can do this by asking ourselves the following questions:
Why has this emotion appeared?
What is it trying to teach me?
We need to answer these questions as honestly as we can. While answering the first question don’t blame others for the emotion arising. Playing the blame game is never helpful. Look at the emotion with a curious mind, as though we have never seen this type of emotion before. The emotion may be painful, so ensure you observe with a sense of kindness and compassion for yourself.
Once we have answered these questions, we can move on to step five. Now we know why the emotion is here and what it is trying to teach us, we can ask ourselves this:
What do I need to do to learn the lesson and let the emotion go?
If it is sadness, maybe we need to speak to someone. If it is anger, maybe we need to get some fresh air. If it is loneliness, maybe we need to meet up with a friend. Whatever it is, think of a plan that will help you let the emotion go.
The sixth, and final, step is to put the plan into action.
Throughout the whole of this process, ensure you are being kind and supportive towards yourself. Emotions can be painful and overwhelming, but by following these six simple steps you can learn from the emotion, put it behind you and move on.
You can read more blogs, listen to podcasts, watch videos and practice guided meditations on the Buddhism Guide app. Available from the Apple Store and Google Play. You can also visit my website.
If you would like to become a supporter of Buddhism Guides work, such as podcasts, blogs, videos and guided meditation practices, please visithere. You can support for as little as $2 a month.
So many of us are having to work from home or self-isolate and we are
starting to get overwhelmed by it all. That is no surprise because being confined
in our homes for days on end can have a detrimental effect on our mental
health. We start to over think and focus on the negative and forget the
blessings. If you have an obsessive nature or are prone to anxiety attacks,
this time can be particularly difficult for you. So, what can we do? Here are a
few things you may like to try.
Keep to your
routines
It may be
tempting to stay in bed longer, go to sleep later, not wash and get dressed or
eat at wrong times. All these things will eventually lead to a feeling of
desperation, despair and it could even lead to depression. Try to stick to your
normal routines where eating and sleeping are concerned. In other words, try to
do what you usually do, but without going outside. It would be helpful to
create a plan for each day and try to stick to it. As human beings, we crave a
little structure – so coming up with a plan for each day will help pass the
time and give you a sense of control.
Don’t overdo your
devices
Doing a
digital detox and limiting the amount of time spent on your phone or laptop can
help reduce anxiety and prevent you from feeling negative.
I understand
that stopping using your phone completely isn’t very practical, so set yourself
time limits. Make a commitment each morning to only use your phone at certain
times and for a set duration. Maybe, 30 minutes in the morning, again in the
afternoon and then in the evening.
It is true to
say that social media can be a great way to keep in contact with friends and
family during self-isolation, but we must keep in mind that overuse is known to
have a detrimental effect on mental wellbeing.
News overload
There is such
a thing as being too well informed. News overload can cause a lot of anxiety
and stress. As with social media, you should limit your exposure to it. Rolling
news only unsettles us. So, limit your news updates to mornings and evenings.
Start a hobby
There may be
something you have wanted to start doing for a long time. Now is the perfect
time to start. You could learn cooking, painting, sewing, writing or podcasting.
It will not only keep your mind occupied; it will also teach you how to be
mindful. When we are focusing on something it prevents our minds from wandering
off to dark places.
Do daily exercise
It is a well-known factthat exercising
releases all-important endorphins which boosts our mood. There is no need to
set up a home gym. You could do Tabata, Pilates or Zumba – there are many good
videos on YouTube that will help you with this.
Get some fresh air
You may be in isolation, but it doesn’t mean you
have to shut out fresh air. If you have a private garden, then go outside each
day. If you have a balcony, go and sit on that. If all you have is a window,
then open it wide and go and sit next to it. Just feeling the sun on your face
and breathing in fresh air will boost your mood and help you shake off mental
health issues.
Time to meditate and be mindful
Meditation and
mindfulness are great ways to banish feelings of anxiety or restlessness. When
we allow our thoughts to control us, they can take us into some deep, dark
places, especially when we are having to isolate. So, meditation and
mindfulness help us to take back control of our minds.
One reason to meditate is to stop the endless chitter chatter in your head, and to find the stillness and silence that lurks within. It will help you let go of those destructive thoughts that lead to anxiety and panic. In this guided meditation called ‘Allowing Your Thoughts to Flow,’ you will learn to see thoughts as just thoughts and so you don’t need to blindly follow everyone.
Mindfulness
practices will also bring your mind back under your control through bringing
awareness to whatever you are doing. The quickest and most simple way to bring
yourself into the present moment is to watch your breath or your five senses.
All you need to do is stop whatever you are doing, close your eyes and focus on
your breath. Just become aware of it flowing in and out of your body. There is
no need to judge or change the rhythm of your breath, just observe it. You
could also focus on what you can see, hear, smell, taste and touch. Again, do
not judge, just observe. So, look around you at five things of different
colour, touch four different textures, listen to three different sounds, become
aware of two different smells and see if you can taste one thing in your mouth,
Both these
practices will bring you into the present moment and help you to stop fixating
on the past or the future.
All of these points may sound quite simple, but even the
smallest of changes to your daily life can bring about substantial results when
it comes to our mental health.
During this time of isolation, I am conducting live mindful meditation practices on The Buddhism Guide Facebook page, so go to their page and check out the timings. If we can’t connect personally, at least we can do it virtually.
Please stay safe, stay healthy and stay informed.
You can read more blogs, listen to podcasts, watch videos and practice guided meditations on the Buddhism Guide app. Available from the Apple Store and Google Play.
If you would like to become a supporter of Buddhism Guides work, such as podcasts, blogs, videos and guided meditation practices, please visithere. You can support for as little as $2 a month.
There is a 12-year-old boyin the village where I live and he spends the day begging. It isn’t his fault because he, along with his mentally ill mother, have been thrown out of their home by the father. (more…)
